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afroclusterfunk:

draumbooty:

deicide4122:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

draumbooty:

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

She fucking CUMS

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.


ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

(via hollowboobtheory)

  • 1 day ago > draumboosky
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oldceremony:

image

nytimes crossword is insisting that “old man yaoi polycule” is not the right answer here but my mutuals’ posts lead me to believe that it is

(via brucespringsteendotcom)

  • 1 day ago > oldceremony
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tel-avicii:

image
image

(via the-crustoadian)

  • 1 day ago > tel-avicii
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xtec:

zoriety:

>wine enjoyers be like ‘this one is so very dry’

>taste it

>it’s wet

>wine enjoyers be like “this one is so very sweet”

>taste it

>it’s bitter

(via hollowboobtheory)

  • 1 day ago > zoriety
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godcreatedtheheavensandtheearth:

girl SHOCKS colony of stray cats by speaking in PERFECT meow

(via kissycat)

  • 4 days ago > godcreatedtheheavensandtheearth
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important-animal-images:

image

(via next-time-you-invite-pam)

  • 5 days ago > important-animal-images
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minniethemoocherda:

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(via judgejudyofficial)

  • 6 days ago > fluent-in-lesbianism
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beebundt:

beebundt:

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow mew meow meow mew meow meow . ok?

image

(via joshpeck)

  • 1 week ago > beebundt
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kobolde:

kobolde:

the selective breeding of music to get shorter and shorter for tik tok has resulted in devastating negative long term health effects on the songs

what do you mean this album is 12 songs and only 24 minutes total it’s not going to survive the winter

  • 1 week ago > kobolde
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sapropel:

ellielush:

we only use the quietest of potatoes to make our famous “hush browns” 🤫

I open my tumblr app and read this post, and I let it wash over me like the gentle tide. I know that when I die, this post, like the sweetest of sea foams, will be there to take me lovingly into the depths.

(via judgejudyofficial)

  • 1 week ago > ellielush
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a-suffusion-of-yellow:

franzkavkas:

I think kafka’s diaries are the strongest evidence that journaling is not necessarily good for your mental health

it’s because he didn’t use washi tape

(via dreamybi)

  • 1 week ago > franzkavkas
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juegosintiperojuegocontigo:

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(via kiwipeel)

  • 1 week ago > juegosintiperojuegocontigo
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enemy-viv:

officeshelpdesk:

The woke mob has made Santa gay! Mrs Claus has been replaced with a 5'8 twink named Tony Tinsel

image

(via judgejudyofficial)

  • 2 weeks ago > officeshelpdesk
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gideonisms:

Just found out I was thirsty not by receiving a signal from my body about it but by dozing off and dreaming about cold water from different alluring angles. This is great. I think all my wants and needs should be revealed to me this way

(via joshpeck)

  • 2 weeks ago > gideonisms
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doublealbum:

loveisacatfromheaven:

doublealbum:

The library should have a smoker’s section

expected post by an individual with a smiths pfp

image

(via the-crustoadian)

  • 2 weeks ago > doublealbum
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